attach here.
Its a place to be yourself and a place to let your hair and guard down but i seem to be having a hard time "belonging". Having unanswered questions physically but somehow have already been answered mentally without "it" actually being answered is almost like passing in a term paper that you know sucked, but having that period of time where you haven't gotten your grade back yet - that kind of exhale where you haven't been rejected, although you pretty much know how its going to turn out -Its exactly like that. I feel like i have to keep building walls to keep myself from getting hurt. Grounded from the situations that wont let me escape of what im feeling .. i just have this horrible gut feeling in my stomach that this is not going to turn out well. - "They say" Destiny is the best defense mechanism. It seems to offer solace that there is some kind of order in the universe and saves a lot of time and effort explaining the unexplainable - especially to yourself. The only hard thing im having trouble of understanding is what if you question "destiny"? .. then what?.. - Hearing cliche lines like "time will tell all things" or.. "better in time" fortells me that the past was pretty much irrelevant now - a closed door - other than the fact that it had lead me to the present good and bad. The present was terribly uncertain of all things, surprises, etc. Something which i cannot control even if i wished to other than at times i may/can influence and affect it through my descisions. Its a place of fear and doubt - restless. But the future existed to allay those fears, and to make both the past and present bearable.