I'm nothing close to perfect. I can pick and pull out my flaws that distraught me. Its been said many times, and yes I completely know I'm a very fickle person. I'm unstable, unsteady, capricious, vacillating, not firm or steady in any sort of affection. Here's a little something from the box, I tend to run away from things that count the most cause I don't want to know the ending. The simplicity and complexity of it all is soul exhausting. Maybe I'm doing all of this wrong...it's like, at times I feel that I need instructions on how to do this and that and someone to tell me "you can want this but not that" cause when I make my own decisions, sometimes I'm not completely 10o% sure of what's coming out and at times my heart and head tell me two different things..... - Here I go again doubting myself...Why? cause, "wants" and "needs" aren't the same thing. So here it goes, yeah I know I want this, but do I need it? - There's things I've lost and gained, experiences that I thought I'd never in my life go through, I've lost and won moments and some I'm not too proud of, cried and smiled to things that make me happy, quiet nights leave me with worries and regrets - they tend to get the best of me and the depth of my emotions, I miss "this, that, here, there, you, you and sometimes you", I still wonder my "could have and would have beens", and when it strikes and hits me right ...I tend to beat myself up a lot for the things that I turned down and the mistakes I've made, things I've said and promised but - I'm still workin' on it?
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" What's the definition of it?
How's it make you feel?
Tell me what you say that truly makes it real
Kings and Queens, Philosophers have tried so hard to find
Tell me what it means to you dear, nevermind ... "
I always feel like I'm spinning, sick to my stomach, day dreaming, over thinking etc. I'll be honest, at times I don't want to let you in, like I still want that wall up to keep you from coming any closer than you are, but it feels like this wall I've tried my best to keep up is....somehow disinigrating, like it started from this thick brick wall and through time and words it's... slowly getting thinner. I'm not sure how to explain it all, but you know that gut feeling where you're scared to show what you're feelin'/thinkin' etc - it's like that. Before it all seemed to flow out smoothly, you know.. those things you call feelings? emotions? Its come to the point where I'm studdering, my "nevermind"s" and "nothing's" are coming back....- yeah, its been hearts and butterflies type shit, but that's all cheese. It just feels right, and right doesn't satisfy my explanation/description anymore. - flylove song/peopleunderthestairs
" Cause love's my permission to be who I am
No inhabitions cause you understand
Freedom to breathe - oh baby
Love is you
Love's like a kiss when the sun goes down Holds me tight when no one's around
Love's what I want to hold on to
Love is you... "
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