prelude to a kiss

Happy. Finally. - A letter to myself : You must emerge yourself in an unfamiliar world to truly understand your own. A world you dont know .. ... something so new that you dont even have the slightest clue on what you're doing - to have no back round, support and experience in. Opening up to something like that, to be fearless to what can happen cus' if you think about it .. anything can happen .. - Being put into a spot like that really helps you figure out what you want, it helps you balance yourself and all the thoughts you've been off with. Each step you take can only affect the next step and not the step you have already taken, having and knowing the thought that what you're doing is for yourself and not anyone else is a good change, its time that you really think about yourself and to stop changing, re-arranging situations, feelings, emotions to keep everyone else happy - you deserve to be happy - but do this not to be selfish, but fair to your own judgement.

Starting it off with the things that left me with bitter feelings - Hearing things I didn't expect to come out from you came to a surprise. Thinking that you were more mature than that, really..to be honest .. .gave me second thoughts - is this really what i want? a situation like this that i knew i couldn't handle from the start but kept fighting my own feelings for. Its like i knew what was right all along but never did i listen to my own thoughts - its like.. they were there, replaying over and over again, but all i did was look through them... and not listening to the things i didnt want to hear and only opening up my ears to the ones i did was a mistake i made. I'm sorry. I'm a terrible person. Moments just felt right.. - On the side. Dancing and competing at footloose really made up for this hectic and over dramatic week - "it feels good, so damn good". Expressing all my bottled up emotions on the dance floor and hitting those beats with all my anger and frustrations really let out all my feel bad feelings that kept me over my head this whole week. Letting it all go without anyone realizing how sad, angry, frustrated, worried, overly joyed etc... i felt so ... so... "enter that perfect word here".

Let me tell you something- I wanna tell you something, show you something i keep inside of me that helps me keep myself together from completely losing it. It seems like i can never understand the way you make me feel cause im always caught up in my emotions - even if i stated all the ways, things, you do that keep me at this state, i still can never really... and the million different ways you make me feel just... you being there...and it wont mean anything if i dont say anything before it all goes completely away - i dont want to hesitate anymore, im tired and a little exhausted of running around knowing what i really miss and i simply just brush off those feelings and completely ignore those thoughts while every now and then someone else swings by hoping to sweep me off my feet while knowing the honest truth that nobody can do it like you do while thoughts of you just stay leaving me with "i cant take my mind off you" cause you leave me with "aww's" and weak knees and raging butterflies in my stomach ...wasting days, hours, minuites... i want no more limits. It's not that i want to be with you forever, its that.. right at this moment we call "now" is where i want you to be ...by my side .. just holding me tight. You come and go, yet the feelings are still there. Smiles. It seems like thats what you've been giving me all this week ever since we started talking again, but im not complaining. I do very much enjoy your company. I do very much enjoy you.